AVOID WHAMMERS
Skipping the abnoxious-children episode opener (Alex and Simon are bad parents...we get it), we next pop uptown and find Bethenny getting her grey covered by Francky L'Official, whom you may have also spotted with Bethenny in the Social Life Magazine party episode earlier in the season.

We learn that Bethenny doesn't date models or actors, which is often collectively referred to as "poor people." I prefer, however, to use the term WAMRS; pronounced as "whammers," it's Waiters, Actors, Models, Retail, and Students. For the purposes of this exercise, bartenders are considered to be a subset of waiters. Avoid dating these people at all costs.

WATCH: Married (and Divorced) in the Hamptons

FALL REFRESHERS
Next we'll skip Alex and Simon, who think that a Roomba will solve all their problems, and catch up with Ramona, who's getting a little work done with Dr. Sharon Giese.

Ramona might be interested to know that there's a summer rental in the Hamptons in which, for only $500k, she can get a huge house, private chef, a $50k wardrobe, chauffer, massages, and unlimited plastic surgery ("within reason"):

WATCH: Plastic Surgery Deals in the Hamptons

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR
Back at Jill's Condo (which was purchased for $749k in 2005 and Jill's name isn't actually on the deed), Bethenny talks about how oh-so-successful she is but oh-so-alone and prays that she doesn't end up like Martha Stewart. Yes, how oh-so-awful it would be to be incredibly talented, successful, and wealthy.

WATCH: Martha Stewart judge a gardening competition in the Hamptons

KELLY LETS HER HAIR DOWN, BUT ONLY LITERALLY
Next, it's girl's night out at the Gansevoort Hotel. (I didn't realize people still actually went there...don't they know it's all about the Standard for your Meatpacking District cocktail needs right now?)

Kelly offers some sage dating advice ("don't eat salad" and "do stuff"). Then Maximiliano Palacio shows up, just to say hello. These sorts of spontaneous things just happen on reality television. Here's a guide to all-things Max: