You might be wondering, "Why are we still in the Hamptons? I thought this was Real Housewives of New York City."

Well, Gentle Reader, the Hamptons is New York City in the summer!

Indeed, one thing that sets the Hamptons apart from other vacation destinations is that many well- and vaguely-well-to-do New Yorkers encamp here for the entire season (not just pop in for one week during the summer, like one would for St. Barts).

LESSONS LEARNED

No1. A SOCIAL LIFE DOES NOT INCLUDE CHAIRS

Now we¹re at the Social Life House in Noyac (they pretend it¹s in Watermill, but that¹s a stretch). This scene introduces several important topics to discuss.

What's Social Life Magazine and just who is Devorah Rose?

Surely you subscribe to this magazine! If not, it¹s basically a free glossy found in racks throughout the Hamptons (next to piles of Hamptons, Edible East End, Vox, and Profile). It¹s helmed by Devorah Rose, who needs no introduction other than this amazing video:

» Watch Devorah Rose dance with a champagne bottle.

Who needs to sit?

Fun Fact: The Social Life House had virtually no furniture in it. It¹s basically a summer rental and all the parties happen outside on the lawn...I¹d be surprised (horrified?) if anybody actually lived there.

No2. GEOGRAPHY LESSON NORTH V SOUTH

North of the Highway versus South of the Highway?

Although many would claim it doesn¹t matter, there¹s a very, very important distinction between living "North of the Highway" or "South of the Highway."

Basically, south of Highway 27 (aka Montauk Highway) is generally the correct side to be on. Jill, Alex, and the Social Life House are all north of the highway (but at least Jill owns her home!). Kelly, however, lives south of the highway.

I knew a woman who was about to buy a house in Watermill, but got to the closing and the zip code on all the paperwork said Noyac. She was about to cancel the whole deal until it was discovered it was just a typographical error (and the house was indeed in Watermill). Whew!

No3. COOKING FOR CANCER PATIENTS
 

Next up, LuAnn talks Bethenny into cooking dinner for cancer patients at Hope Lodge, a charity home in New York for people going through treatment. It¹s like Ronald McDonald House, but for adults and without a fast-food tie-in.

Bethany jumps at the chance to do "a whole antioxidant dinner." Now, antioxidants are great for helping to prevent cancer. But once you actually have cancer and are receiving treatment, antioxidants can sometimes make chemotherapy less effective.

*Helpful hint: Check with your oncologist before letting Bethenny give you pomegranate juice.

No4. THERE ARE AT LEAST TWO KINDS OF MODELS

Finally, twenty minutes into the episode, Kelly Killoren Bensimon arrives! In this scene, Kelly takes Ramona to Richard Meier¹s model museum in Long Island City. This is horribly contrived, as Kelly would never actually bring Romona there except for the benefit of Bravo¹s cameras. For those who don¹t know, Richard Meier is an internationally acclaimed architect (in the same league as Frank Gehry, Renzo Piano, and Zaha Hadid). You¹ll notice that Richard never actually shows up for Bravo. But want to meet the man?

» Watch Kelly talking to Richard Meier

Also in this scene, Ramona asks whether or not there¹s a model of the "Douglas House," which was one of Richard Meier¹s earlier buildings. It was built in 1973. It¹s in Michigan. It¹s almost entirely white. It¹s nice but not that important. The only reason Ramona mentioned it is that she probably read about it on Wikipedia when she was doing all this ³research. Since, you know, she¹s a "maven" when it comes to architecture.

No5. KNOW YOUR MAJOR LEAGUES

Another awkward moment was when Kelly explains how she was the "youngest member of the Junior League of New York." Ramona appears to not know what the Junior League is. Basically, it¹s a civic organization for women who do charitable and community work. Junior Leagues (and there are many besides just the one in New York) often put together cookbooks and sell them for charity. You¹ll often find these in thrift stores.

No6. REALITY STARS ARE ALL AROUND US DEVORAH STRIKES AGAIN

Now Devorah comes to "surprise" Bethenny with the news she¹s going to be on the cover. Did you know that Devorah is going to be on her own reality show called "Social Heights" soon? Set your TiVOs and DVRs now!

Question: In this scene, Devorah is showing the photos from Bethany¹s cover shoot on the floor. Is there no table in this office? (How does the girl work?)

No7. BE HOME DURING THE RENNOVATION
 

Alex leaves for St. Barts and hopes that a majority of her townhouse renovation will be well underway while she¹s gone. As anyone who has ever done a major renovation will tell you, leaving town during construction is crazy. Spoiler alert! No good will come of this!

No8. HOLD A GRUDGE ALL DAY

For the scene where Bethany meets up with LuAnn to explain how mad she still is about something that¹s not really important, you should know that this restaurant is Tutto il Giorno, which is in Sag Harbor and owned by Steve Florio, who used to be the CEO of Condé Nast.

No9. "DANCING WITH CHAMPAGNE" VIDEOS NEVER DIE

Finally, we make it to the big Social Life Magazine party! With Bethany! On the cover! You¹ll notice Devorah Rose is holding a Plum TV microphone, interviewing the Countess about some made-up controversy about airbrushing (Devorah needed a little help from our camera man to remind her that the microphone needed to be in front of other people).

» Watch Devorah's full interview here.

The last thing to mention is that you¹ll notice how Ramona is seemingly plastered at this party. One good thing about those Social Life Magazine parties is that they¹re open bar. And they have gift bags. And we all know how I feel about both.

Until next week!

Nick Leighton is a correspondant with Plum TV, see more of his antics and smile-inducing commentary here.