In any event, we decided to test The Times "Hypothesis" by hitting as many events as possible and speak to as many representative Hamptons insiders as we could on one very long Saturday night.

Our first stop was a fashion event for Eres Swimwear at Sunset Beach Hotel on Shelter Island. Low-key? A picture is worth a thousand words (Note: models with cocktails-at-large!)

Next up, it was high drama at the God's Love We Deliver fundraiser in Sagaponack. While the cause was near to many of our hearts (the beloved charity provides basic services to HIV/AIDS patients in New York City), the Almighty was not looking out for the partygoers on this night:

WET: Guests had to contend with a wait for golf carts in the rain

UGLY: Guest had to *endure* unsightly spectacle at the entrance to the party that was straight out of King Lear. Ostracized to the opposite side of the street, the parking attendants were left to fend for themselves like bare-forked animals without umbrellas.

SECRETIVE: Guests received "bad gift bags! - upon arrival guests were greeted by a sea of gift bags, the contents of which were being zealously protected by security. It was the Hamptons version of a media blackout.

(When the contents of a gift bag are a more closely-guarded secret than the identity of the next top-level Presidential appointment, it can only mean one thing: lousy hand cream.)

Unable to report on the gift bag index, Plum hosts Nick Leighton and Nora Magleby (video of Nora powerboat racing) shifted their attention to practicing the delicate art of Hamptons socializing. (The idea is to maximize your levels of personal consumption (cocktails, hors’ devours), while enhancing the level of your social status (getting photographed, and hence increasing your Fame Game profile ranking).